Yesterday's Menu: Cold Feet on a Bed of Lies

A girl who claims to love to go "barefoot" may be susceptible to cold feet. That should be a disclaimer on my blog. Treatment plan is as follows:

Today, have just accepted my 3rd speaking invitation. Julia, my Californian mentor from afar, should know that I am the proud owner of a spreadsheet! Last summer, when asked how many times Julia had shared her testimony about being diagnosed with AIDS and coming to know Jesus, she replied specifically, "336 times." I will never forget how shocked I was by that precision. She went on to share that she keeps a list of all her speaking engagements on a spreadsheet and that is how she knows the exact number. Oh how encouraging to look back and know each one of those opportunities is a testament that God has used her for 17 years after her diagnoses. Praise God who redeems! But even with my new found spreadsheet, I am just now getting over what happened last Saturday.

Last Saturday, I misspoke and it has bothered me terribly. In casual conversation, I said something and knew I wanted to take back immediately. If you are a woman and you have ever carried on a conversation at all, you have to know what I am talking about. Please tell me I am not alone! In love, my quick and repetitive apology was accepted by a real friend - thank you. However, the Enemy chose not to hear that...he was too busy already talking! The entire weekend I heard lines like, "What are you thinking? You can't speak and teach, you can't even carry on a one-on-one conversation." And then, "You really need to reconsider accepting these invitations to speak, what if you offend? You know you are going to say something wrong! You have really messed up this friendship and there is no way you can share in a crowd."

My offering to be vulnerable and speak from my heart and God's Word went from BARE FEET to COLD FEET in a matter of minutes. The chill of Satan's hissing froze my thoughts. The fog had rolled in, penetrated to my core, and lingered. It took some time to discover what it really was...I know these thoughts are not true, right?! Kind of like when you freeze leftovers and forget to mark it. I was consuming it without really knowing what it was. How dangerous is THAT?!

I am in a new season, but the Enemy is the Iron Chef of Leftovers. He will take anything and try to win: battles that have already been won, pits that have been filled, races that have been finished, and yesterdays that have been conquered. Not by me, but by Christ. I am reminded of John 14:14 "You may ask anything in my name and I will do it." I want to stop feasting on lies, leftover ones and gourmet ones, in the name of Jesus...my Truth!

Prayer in His name (all 117 of them) has been like a pair of warm fuzzy yellow socks right out of the dryer. I think of my barefootness (how ya like that one Webster?!) as an offering to God; a declaration that I will be vulnerable before Him and others. Prayer is a willful act, as if sliding on socks each and every time you get a chill. There is comfort, protection, warmth, peace, and ultimate promise. Furthermore, if my cold feet get so cold that they go numb, how will I feel His path for me?! Prayer, following the forgiveness of a friend, and then myself, has warmed my bare feet. They are always bare, but do not have to be cold. My bare feet will get busy and may wiggle out and stray from the security of my socks, but time after time, I have to choose to warm up my favorite fuzzy socks between my hands, feel the power of "static cling," and slide back into Truth and my spreadsheet...in Jesus name.